


Wind

by BloodRedRidingHood



Series: I'll Be Your Shield [14]
Category: Captain America: The First Avenger - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: 30 day challenge, Backstory, Confessions, Dreams, F/M, Memories, OTP I'll Be Your Shield
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2013-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodRedRidingHood/pseuds/BloodRedRidingHood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no reason for her to think of him, especially now that she had finally opened herself up to Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wind

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking some liberties with Natasha's back story. Please forgive me for any and all inaccuracies from the comic canon.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, leaving comments, and giving me kudos. It means so much!
> 
> Part 14 of hawkwardeye's 30 Day Drabble Challenge. Make sure you read parts 1-13!

_The snow was falling so fast and thick that she couldn't see more than a few inches in front of her. She knew there was someone out here though, it was just a matter of finding them in the blizzard._

_She reached out, searching for something to use as a reference. There were only so many buildings in this little village, so it would be easy to get her bearings… if only she could find one. It seemed like everything had disappeared when the snow started to fall._

_When she tripped over a branch hiding in the thick carpet of snow, she landed on her knees and stayed there. It was just so easy to stay there, she never wanted to go back to that place again. She could just sit here in the snow, let herself be buried in it. She had failed. It would be easier to die here._

_She sighed, shivering, and forced herself to stand up. The howling wind bit at her face and screamed in her ears. But it wasn't just the wind she heard. There was a voice, far away, being carried through the storm, and growing louder every second._

_"Natalia!"_

_She caught a glimpse of black through the snow, and she smiled. She slowly made her way to him, but it was difficult. The snow was getting deeper, making it hard for her to even lift her foot enough to move._

_She could barely see him now, could barely hear him calling out to her. Everything was white around her. She struggled through the snow, pushing her body harder than she ever had before. But he was gone._

_"James!" She screamed the name over and over again. Even when the blizzard bested her, forcing her down into the growing banks of snow, she kept screaming his name until blackness enveloped her._

Natasha woke with a start and found Steve staring at her in the dark. He looked concerned, but he didn't make any move to touch her, maybe scared that she was still dreaming. She blinked a few times, forcing her heart to stop pounding, before she reached over to him.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," she whispered. Her throat was hoarse, indicating that she had been screaming in her sleep. Her hand found his in the dark, and she laced their fingers together. "It was just a bad dream."

He squeezed her hand. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

No, she didn't want to talk to him about it. She didn't want to talk to anyone about it. She just wanted to forget about everything. She rolled over so that her back was pressed against Steve's chest and wrapped his arms around her. She felt him kiss her head several times before he fell back to sleep. She waited a few minutes to make sure he was really asleep, and then disentangled herself.

She walked out to the living room, stopping by the dining room table on the way. Wrapping herself in the blanket from the back of the couch, she curled up on the cushion and took a swig of the wine from dinner.

She finished the bottle as the sky began to lighten. Securing the blanket around her, Natasha walked over to the window and opened it. It was freezing outside and incredibly overcast. The smell of rain was in the air, and Natasha shivered in anticipation. She loved the rain. 

She stared out at the city. The wine had only made her feel dizzy, but had done nothing to block out the memory of James in the snow. It had been years since she'd thought of that. It made her feel like shit. There was no reason for her to think of him, especially now that she had finally opened herself up to Steve. She felt like she was going to be sick.

The rain started slowly as she leaned out the window. The first few drops landed on her bare arms; they were ice cold. Natasha frowned and moved back. This wasn't exactly what she had in mind when she saw the sky. Closing the window, she went back to the couch, stumbling slightly. She collapsed onto the couch and snuggled into the cushions. She was almost asleep when Steve's voice startled her.

"When I started seeing Beth, it was really rough for me, too."

She peeked over the blanket at him. He was standing against the door jamb with his arms folded. He watched her for a moment longer before coming over to the couch and sitting down next to her.

"I had a hard time getting past the feeling like I was betraying someone."

She looked away from him, fighting back the tears that had threatened to come since she woke up. "I'm sorry, Steve." She swallowed and found his eyes again. "How did you deal with it? I've never…I couldn't do it last time."

"I told myself that Peggy wouldn't want me to be alone," he replied. He pulled her legs across his lap, running his fingers up and down her legs. "And she wouldn't. She would want me to find love." He looked at her. "Last time?"

Natasha nodded. "The dreams first started when Clint and I… When we started seeing each other. When it got serious. They kept on until we weren't together anymore."

Steve was silent, just watching her. He had an eyebrow slightly raised as he listened to her, and she wondered if it upset him that she was talking about this. But he kept quiet, waiting for her to continue, so she did.

"When I lost James, I went… I sort of deviated from my orders. I killed a lot of people without any thought to what I was doing. I did it for years, until SHIELD sent Clint to take me down. Instead, he brought me back here, and they talked to me. After a while, they let me go, and I went back to Russia. After a while, I defected. Came looking for Clint, and they took me in, and he became my handler. For a while, that's all it was, just a simple partnership. But we started sleeping together, and then we started developing feelings. I fell in love with him. That's when the dreams started. It continued for a while, and then Clint got hurt really badly. He almost died. When he was in the hospital, I started getting restless. Just like after I lost James. So I forced myself out of love. It was hard, but I did it. And the dreams stopped. I haven't actually thought about James since then." She sighed, glad she was able to get that all out.

"Natasha, do you love me?" Steve asked again. He was looking at her intently, his eyes searching her face.

She smiled, lips trembling, and tears filled her eyes. "You caught that, then?" She let out a small laugh, and then began to cry.

Steve took her face in his hands, leaning into kiss her. Just before he pressed their lips together, he whispered, "I love you, too." And the kiss was so gentle, so chaste, and it made Natasha's heart ache for more.

She leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. He laid them down, cradling her in his arms. Snuggling into Steve's chest, Natasha fell asleep, the Russian winds filling her subconscious.


End file.
